


A Time to Heal

by MonPetitTresor



Series: Arianna Strange (aka Toni Stark) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Communication, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, PTSD, Rescue Missions, Short Story, Team as Family, Therapy talk, They might get them, Toni is awesome, Working as a Team, between the first and the sequel, for all of them really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 09:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18797815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonPetitTresor/pseuds/MonPetitTresor
Summary: Toni, Loki, and Eir act on the information that Heimdall gave to Toni at the end of the last story. With it, they find someone who is just as damaged as they are and they do everything in their power to give him the one thing he hasn't had in such a long time:A choice.





	1. Chapter 1

Standing around in the cold and wet wasn’t exactly Toni’s idea of a fun afternoon. Especially when she wasn’t able to do it from the warmth and comfort of her suit. Yet here she was, hunched down low behind some rocks and bushes, using her JARVIS-run sunglasses to carefully observe the secret HYDRA facility in front of her. The last thing they wanted was for an accidental Iron Man sighting to happen, despite the differences in their suits anymore, so Toni was stuck in mostly civilian clothes. She’d at least tossed underneath it all a bodysuit similar to the ones she used to make for Clint and Natasha.

Beside her, Eir was a quiet and steady presence. She was acting as Toni’s bodyguard; watching her while Toni was busy watching the facility, and Loki was off on the other side keeping his own watch.

It still surprised Toni sometimes just how well Eir had settled into their house with them. She didn’t seem to have an issue with being on earth or having to change some things. She settled into their house with them like she’d been living there for months. Loki said it had to do with her guard training. That: “She learned long ago how to adapt to different cultures and different scenarios. Eir used to go with me on a lot of my more formal travels, so she’s been exposed to quite a bit of culture. More than most guards. She knows how to fit in.”

He wasn’t wrong. Though Eir did protest the loss of some of her armor, she actually let Toni and JARVIS order her some different clothes to wear out in public, even if she still wore the more casual Asgardian leathers at home. A few jeans that she rarely wore, often preferring fitted pants that she claimed were easier to move in, and a bunch of tank tops and overshirts.

However, she was dressed in her Asgardian armor now, albeit a much darker set. This one was made to blend in with the shadows. Something that they were all trying hard to do right now. They’d been standing here for quite a while trying to wait for their brief window where security was thinnest. While Eir and Loki seemed to have the patience needed for this, Toni was quickly losing hers.

“This is boring,” Toni felt the need to tell them both. They were all wearing com units, so Loki could hear her low murmur loud and clear.

Just as she easily heard his near-silent huff. “ _Yes, well, let us hope your part of it remains that way, darling_.”

Crinkling her nose, Toni silently mocked him, safe in the knowledge that he couldn’t see her doing it.

Her mocking was cut off when Loki’s voice came back over the comms, much more serious than before. “ _All right, the last group just left. Toni, Eir, start to make your way inside._ ”

That was all Toni needed to hear. She gathered herself and then took a quick scan around, making sure no one was looking before she started along the path she’d mentally built for herself earlier. There was no more time for games. Despite what her old teams might’ve thought, Toni knew how to be serious when it was called for, and this was a serious moment. She and Eir needed to get inside the facility without being noticed. Loki’s presence was here to act as a distraction, but only when they needed it. If it was at all possible, Toni wanted to save that for once they reached their destination. That would make things a whole lot easier.

Of course, it would’ve been even easier if Loki could’ve just teleported them directly inside. But, they were playing a long game here. One that required them to try and cover up any clue as to who got in here. They didn’t need HYDRA or SHIELD (who were thankfully getting more and more separate every day, with Tony and the Avengers working on it) knowing anything more than they had to.

If Toni did her job right, she’d be able to get inside and implant JARVIS in their systems without them being any the wiser. If she could do that, JARVIS could help to cut out any video feeds that might show who had been in there, and he’d also be able to situate himself so deep in their systems they’d never be able to root him out. Nor would they even know he was there.

“Keep low,” Toni mouthed to Eir. They’d reached the edge of the building now, directly underneath one of the external cameras. From her pocket, Toni drew out a small little device no bigger than a stick of gum. Only, when she pressed it to the wall, it suddenly sprouted eight tiny legs, four on each side, and began to climb up the wall. It was a prototype she’d been working on recently; a kind of nod to the memory of a boy who had worked his way into her heart when she’d had almost no one.

The small spider-bot went directly to the camera and discreetly wrapped around the base. Calling up the tech from her left bracelet, Toni formed the gauntlet and brought up a holographic video. Within fifteen seconds, she was grinning at the data there. “All right, we’re in. Security cameras outside are on a loop. Lokes, let us know if it looks like any trouble’s happening outside. Jarv, get as deep as you can in their cameras. Soon as we pass a proper terminal, I’ll plug you in. Be ready for it.”

“ _Sir and I are standing by, Ma’am,_ ” JARVIS said.

It was a surprise to hear that Tony was standing by as well – that hadn’t been part of the plan – but she should’ve known better. This wasn’t a mission that she’d asked JARVIS to keep quiet about, and really, if JARVIS was going to be working on the computers and hacking, it made sense to have Tony there to help him out just in case. Between the two of them, any security system could be taken care of, and they might be able to keep SHIELD or anyone else from finding out what was going on.

Toni didn’t give herself but a moment to speculate over that. They were on a time limit here, and she needed to keep moving.

With the cameras taken care of, it really wasn’t all that hard to get inside. It only took forty-seven seconds for Toni to unlock the door that led them in. She slipped through it, Eir at her back, and glanced up and down the empty corridor. “I thought these guys were supposed to be like, uber bad guys,” Toni murmured. She paused for a second, taking in any sounds ahead, and then started off towards the right. “I gotta say, SHIELD gave me more trouble in their security system than this. Of course, the old SHIELD systems had an upgrade after our little gang got together – namely, me and J. An I dare you to find anyone that can get past my boy.”

“Do you always talk this much?” Eir asked, nudging at Toni and pointing down the hall towards the set of three doors.

Her question got a simultaneous “ _Yes_ ” from Toni and Loki.

Rolling her eyes, Eir hefted the spear she insisted on carrying, and she continued her scan of the hallway. It amused Toni a little. The woman acted like something was going to come leaping out at any second and she had to be prepared for it. Not that that was a _bad_ thing, per se. Just, a bit amusing.

JARVIS used the camera feeds to help direct Toni and Eir further inside the facility. They went down three hallways, just barely managing to duck out of the way of two guards as they went. Thankfully, this place wasn’t too big, so it didn’t take them long to reach the area they wanted.

“ _You’re in the medical wing now, Ma’am. There are quite a few more people here,_ ” JARVIS warned her. “ _I’m detecting thirteen different life forms. Seven are medical staff, five are HYDRA agents, and one is your target_.”

“How’s he looking, J?” Toni asked.

“ _Still frozen. Transport should be fairly easy._ ”

Perfect. Toni lifted her hand and held her palm up. “Show me a map, kiddo.” Within seconds there was a clear map over her hand. Toni studied it and mapped out the quickest and safest route to get to where they needed to go. Then she nodded. “Right. Okay, I’ve got our route. Lokes, can you create a distraction in the southeast quadrant _without_ revealing yourself?”

“ _You doubt me_?” Loki asked, sounding almost offended.

A razor-sharp grin lit Toni’s face. “Never.”

It all went off without a hitch. Toni had no idea what kind of distraction Loki had caused, though the slightly gleeful laughter he gave at the same time that alarms sounded in the building were enough to tell her that he was enjoying himself while he did it. Whatever it was, she’d draw the story out of him later. For the moment she stayed with Eir and kept out of sight as best as they could while most of the room emptied out. Not everyone left – they had too important of an asset in here, but that was fine. They were more than ready for that.

One last, brief look between Eir and Toni, a silent reminder of what they were going to do, and the two move out into the open.

Any other time and Toni would’ve enjoyed watching Eir work. She was as graceful with her spear as she was deadly. None of the people in the room stood a chance against her. Toni didn’t have time to watch, though. Her focus was on the right side of the room where their target was. A large cryofreeze container, through which she could just barely see the face of the man they were after.

_James Barnes._

Toni ran straight over there and right to the computers beside him. She’d been studying for this ever since they’d started their plan to come and find him, thanks to the Allmother’s information. Toni had known she’d need to prepare. Cryofreeze wasn’t something she’d had a ton of knowledge of. She’d sought to fix that before they came here. Like hell if she was going to let her ignorance hurt this guy more than he’d already been hurt. They were here to rescue him, not damage him more.

However, all the studying in the world wasn’t good enough when she was faced with limited time to work in. “Dammit, there’s no way I’ve got enough time to safely defrost him here. I can start the process and set the container on a proper release that can work separate from the system if we detach it all, but that means we’ll need to take the whole cryotube with us.”

“Whatever you plan to do, you should do so soon, My Lady,” Eir said.

 _Shit_. Toni tapped a little faster at the keyboard in front of her. “J? Can you scramble the cameras in here for me?”

“ _Of course, Ma’am._ ”

Nodding, Toni clicked through the last few keys and then hit enter. Perfect! It was as ready as she could make things. “Right! Okay, Eir, with me. Gorgeous, we’re ready for you!”

Eir finished with the guard she’d been fighting. In a leap, she cleared the nearby counter and landed smoothly on her feet near Toni’s side at about the same time that Loki appeared, his body disguised just in case so that no one would suspect it was him. He smirked and held an arm out to both of them. “Ready when you are, darling.”

A snort slipped free from Toni. She grinned as she grabbed his arm, while Eir laid a hand on his shoulder, and Loki reached out to lay a palm flat over the cryotube. There was a flash of green all around them, and then the group was gone, leaving behind an empty HYDRA lab and no trace of them ever having been there, save for the bodies on the floor.

* * *

They’d already set up a place to take James that was as prepared as they could make it for just this eventuality. Sigyn was waiting for them in the room of their cabin in the woods. Medical supplies, both Asgardian and Midgardian, were covering the tables. A bed waited in the middle of the room. One that, though Toni hated to admit to the necessity of it, had a magical restraint spell put over it. As Loki had explained it, “Instead of tying a patient down, it generates a shield above the bed that they cannot penetrate.”

That was all well and good - it’d keep James from attacking any of them. Toni tried hard to think about how it would probably feel like a glorified cryotube to James. Telling him “We’re only doing it to help” probably wouldn’t go over all that well with him. That was _if_ they could find him under his programming.

In Toni’s original timeline, from what she’d understood it’d taken James - _Bucky_ \- seeing Steve and attempting to kill him to really break through the Winter Soldier programming. If it’d been anything else, Steve had never mentioned it. Which wasn’t really out of the norm. Not telling her things had sort of been his shtick.

Toni stood off on the sidelines with Eir and watched as Frigga arrived in answer to her son’s summons, and she and Sigyn began the process of getting James onto the bed and beginning their evaluation.

The fact that Frigga was here helping them was a big thing, Toni knew. An honor. A secret one, but an honor nonetheless. No one up in God-land even knew she was down here. To come and help a human like this was something that Toni was pretty damn sure was _way_ below Frigga’s station. For a _Queen_ to help someone that the rest of her people considered an ant? Yeah, it was no wonder she’d snuck down here.

Toni recognized the rambling of her own thoughts and tried not to sigh over it.

She felt Eir shift a little beside her and knew that her emotions must’ve leaked through somehow. “My lady?” Eir sounded just a bit hesitant; more cautious with both Sigyn and Frigga there, unsure if she was still allowed the liberties she’d started to take in their home. “Are you well?”

“Peachy.” It wasn’t like they were doing anything strange here. Just strapping down the guy who was responsible for her parents’ deaths, only no, not really, he was just Steve Rogers’ best friend from childhood who’d been tortured and programmed to be a killing machine by HYDRA. It wasn’t like Toni had to touch him or anything like that, or even talk to him. She just had to stand there and watch as he was taken from his cryotube and put down on a table with magical restraints so yet again he could have his brain poked and prodded at without his consent, no matter that it was to help heal him.

Bile was rising from Toni’s stomach. She didn’t even think before she spun on her heel and made as graceful an exit as she could manage while trying not to throw up or hyperventilate.

She managed to make it outside and around the side of the cabin before she lost her battle with her stomach. Toni barely managed to get a hand braced against the cabin wall. Then she was bent low and heaving hard enough it made her temples throb and her eyes water.

The firm hand that caught Toni’s shoulder was familiar enough that she didn’t flinch away from it. She let Loki slip his hand in until his arm was a band across her chest, keeping her from pitching further forward as well as offering her something for her free hand to come up and clench. His other hand had gathered together her hair and was holding it back for her.

He held her there until she finally finished. When her stomach had nothing more to empty, she straightened back up and then let herself lean against Loki in a way she wouldn’t dare do with anyone else. Toni didn’t lean on people. She’d always stood strong and proud all on her own. Life had taught her that lesson a long, long time ago.

But, here she _could_. Here, with Loki, she was safe to lean on him in ways she wouldn’t ever dare with anyone else. He didn’t pat her on the back and tell her to buck it up. He didn’t roll his eyes like he thought she was being dramatic – even when she sometimes _was_. Though he wasn’t afraid to call her on her shit when she was being stupid, he didn’t ever make her feel like her _emotions_ were stupid. Loki _let_ her lean for as long as she needed, and he was there to help her get back up afterward, be it with a helping hand or a few sarcastic or challenging words.

Loki drew her into the circle of his arms, and he twisted them away from the pile of sick, though she felt the tingle of his magic seconds later as it was cleaned up. Then Loki was leaning himself back against the cabin wall, and he was drawing Toni in with him. She ended up with her back to his chest, and her eyes facing out over the forests around them.

One of his arms slid around her waist. The other lifted, fingers gently brushing over her cheek. “May I?”

It took a second for Toni to realize what he wanted. _Oh, right. Vomit-breath probably doesn’t smell the best._ “Yeah.”

The feel of Loki’s magic washing through her mouth was strange. It tingled on her tongue, over her cheeks and teeth, and left behind a minty feeling that she couldn’t help but chuckle over. “Handy.”

“It’s been said.”

Toni couldn’t quite resist tipping her head to the side so that she could smirk up at him. “In more ways than one, I bet.”

Seeing Loki’s look of fond exasperation only made Toni’s smile grow. When he deliberately used the hand on her face to turn her back towards the forests, she laughed and felt herself relax a little with it. Loki was always good at making her smile or laugh.

It felt good to stand there with Loki a firm and solid warmth both behind and around her. After the tension of today, the emotions that Toni had been forced to face, just this quiet moment out in the middle of nowhere with her partner wrapped around her was exactly what she needed. Things always seemed to feel just that bit better when she had Loki with her. Toni had been terrified of that thought in the past. Now, ever since their return from Asgard, it comforted her. She didn’t have to worry that it was going to be taken away from her. She didn’t have to wonder if Loki felt the same. Though they didn’t say the words often, both preferring actions to words sometimes, the knowledge of them sat in her heart and kept her warm.

The man was a blessing that Toni hadn’t known she was waiting for. With Loki, she didn’t have to keep up her masks and pretend that this whole thing didn’t bother her. She was free to sigh and say exactly what was on her mind. “I don’t like this.”

Loki sighed as well, the strength of it pushing her up for a moment before sinking back down, his cool breath ruffling her hair. When she sank back down, he bent his head and rested his chin on the top of her head. “I know. But until he is healed, he’s of no mind to give the proper consent for this. The Winter Soldier has no concept of autonomy.”

“So that just means that we don’t give him _any_?”

The arms around Toni’s waist gave a gentle yet firm squeeze. “It means that we do our best to help him regain some. Before I came out, Mother was confident she could suppress the programming long enough for whatever is underneath – be it Bucky, or some other part of the soldier – to rise and speak. From there, she’ll gather consent for what needs be done and allow him the choice of what happens to his body. We will take care of him, _minn fóa_.”

It was hard for Toni not to sigh yet again. She knew all this; it was part of their plan. She’d known all this from the get-go. Yet it had all seemed to go out the window as soon as she’d seen them putting him on that bed. All the things they’d done to him – taking him, bringing him here, trapping him on the bed, waking him up, using magic on him – they’d done that without his permission. Without his _consent_. Considering that Toni knew the types of things he’d gone through, having studied them extensively in her own timeline, it left her with a feeling of _bad_ and _wrong_ to do anything even similar to it now.

But they were doing everything they could to try and gain his consent and give Bucky Barnes the autonomy that had been so harshly stripped away from him. In the end, that was all they could do. It was either that or leave him out there to continue to be a weapon in the hands of assholes who wouldn’t hesitate to use him and hurt him over and over again to get what they wanted.

Toni promised herself that, whatever future James chose, she’d do her damnedest to make sure that it happened. He deserved a chance to live the way that he wanted to live. Even if it meant him going back to Steve. She’d respect whatever choice he made.

* * *

What came next was a process that Toni couldn’t bring herself to be a part of. She worked on the edges of things, offering assistance where she could, but what Frigga and Sigyn were doing was magic. It was something Toni had no real understanding of, nor any ability to lend a hand. She was forced to sit back and watch as the two women worked at Bucky’s head to try and do everything they could to help the broken man.

Toni had been outside when Bucky was briefly woken up. She hadn’t been quite sure she could look at the Soldier and not throw up. Or throw a punch. It’d been hard enough in her timeline when she’d looked at the man in front of her who had really only been half the Soldier, and half James Barnes. Facing that had been bad enough. Toni was pretty sure she could handle facing him now, but in full Winter Soldier mode? No. No, that was definitely not something she wanted or needed to do.

By the time she came back in – having taken the time to check in with Tony and JARVIS and make sure everything was well on the home front – they had Bucky back under again and were working on his brain.

In the end, it took almost seventeen hours total for the two women to do everything they could. When they finally stopped, they both stumbled. Eir and Toni moved to catch Sigyn, while Loki’s hands were there to catch his mother.

“I’ll be all right,” Frigga said breathily, patting at Loki’s arm. She didn’t move away from his hold, though.

Loki gave a low hum that was neither agreement nor disagreement. “At least come sit. Proper rest is always important after a strong working.”

The way that Frigga flashed a smile up at him told Toni there was more to those words that only they knew.

They got both Sigyn and Frigga sitting down on the couch where Toni had been mostly laying up until now. The two sat side by side, leaning just a little against one another. Loki laid a hand on both their shoulders. Green light swirled there briefly and then was gone. Once it was Toni could see that the two looked better than they had. They still looked like they needed a good night’s rest – or several – but less likely that they would just fall over and sleep where they were.

It was Sigyn who answered the questions that she could no doubt see on their faces. “We removed the command words that were programmed into his brain. It was delicate work, and I feared we would do too much damage to take them out, but we finally removed them. His mind is his own.”

“Memories and all,” Frigga chimed in. “He chose to keep the memories. With nothing there to block them, he will have much to process. It will take time for him to come to terms with all he’s done, and all that was done to him.”

 _Jesus_. Toni winced a little. She wouldn’t wish that on anyone. At the same time, she kind of understood. If she’d had people screwing around with her brain, she wouldn’t want anything taken away from her either. Not just because she’d want to remember what her body had done, but because after losing so much she wouldn’t have been able to stand losing anything more. While it made her feel sorry for him, she understood his choice.

Rubbing her hand over her face in a rare show of exhaustion, Sigyn gave a sigh. “What he needs right now is rest. I wouldn’t be surprised if he sleeps for days. It’s going to take time for everything to slot together inside his mind. We soothed what edges we could, and we organized a little. The rest is going to be up to him.”

“He won’t wake until he’s in order. His body will stay shut down while his mind fixes itself,” Frigga warned them.

Toni nodded her head in understanding. “Okay, cool. But when he wakes up, he’ll be okay?”

“In the vaguest sense of the word,” Frigga answered. There was compassion in her eyes. Whatever she’d seen in there, it’d affected her, and her sympathy for Bucky was easy to see. “It’s going to take quite a long time before I believe he’ll reach any semblance of o _kay._ He won’t be able to do it alone, either. He’ll need the assistance of a mind healer.”

That had Toni waving a hand dismissively in the air. “I’ve already got that taken care of.” Or, at least, _Tony_ did. That was one of the things he was supposed to be taking care of while Toni and Loki did this. It was Tony’s job to talk privately and confidentially with Laura. Despite Toni’s reservations, she’d given him permission to explain the whole of her story to Laura after extracting promises from her about keeping this quiet from _everyone_. SHIELD, her husband, the team – _everyone_. From there, Tony was going to tell her about Bucky and see if Laura would be willing to take him on and help him. If so, they’d arrange something with Loki, who’d already said he had no issue bringing Laura to the house for private sessions for Bucky.

“Then we shall leave him in your more than capable hands, _dóttir_.” Frigga pushed up from the couch, smiling as she went. Her hands caught Toni’s face before Toni could go to join her. Holding her there, she bent and pressed a kiss against Toni’s forehead. Then she was gone before Toni could do more than start to flush.

In her place came Sigyn, who was beaming broadly. “Maybe the next time I come to visit it can be for a more pleasurable reason. I’d love to have a tour of your realm by someone who knows their way around.”

“You can’t stay?” Toni was surprised to find out just how much she’d hoped the Asgardian woman could stick around. She’d liked what she’d gotten to know of Sigyn up in Asgard, and she’d kind of looked forward to talking with her more here. She’d also kind of hoped that maybe she’d be here when Bucky woke up.

Sigyn’s smile was warm and soft in ways Toni bet few got to see. “I’ve already been gone long enough. But I’ll try to visit soon.”

“You’d better.”

Sigyn laughed, and then she was kissing Toni’s forehead as well before making her way to join Frigga and Loki by the door. Only Eir stayed with Toni as the other three stood together in the middle of the room and vanished. Loki would be taking them back, Toni knew, using the secret pathways that he walked better than anyone else. It left Eir and Toni to briefly watch over their unconscious companion.

It didn’t escape Toni’s notice how Eir had stationed herself. She stood angled just enough that she was able to watch both Toni and Bucky at the same time. One hand sat on the hilt of her sword in a clear, open threat.

“He’s not gonna hurt me,” Toni couldn’t help but point out. “He’s unconscious, and still on their magic bed.”

Eir dipped her head in acknowledgment without ever once lowering her focus. “As you say, Your Highness.”

Which was basically Eir-speak for ‘I’ve heard you and chosen to ignore it because you’re an idiot, but I won’t tell you that.’ It was all in the tone. Hearing it, Toni knew she wasn’t going to convince the woman to stand down no matter what she said. Probably not until Bucky had woken up and they’d been able to assess his mental state. Hell, maybe not even then. Eir took her job as security seriously. Having an ex-Hydra assassin in their house was going to put the woman on edge. _That’s if he decides to stick around_.

For the moment Toni chose not to think about that part of things. They’d gotten Bucky away from Hydra and had done everything they could to help him. Now, all they could do was get him home and give him a safe place to rest while his brain finished unscrambling. After that, the choice was his, no matter where that took him.


	2. Chapter 2

It took almost four days before Bucky woke up. Toni tried not to worry too much about it during that time. Of course, _trying_ and _doing_ were two entirely different things. No matter how much Toni worked to keep herself distracted it seemed like all her thoughts found a way to circle back around to him. Though the major part of Toni had worked through her fear and anger towards Bucky a while ago, there was still a small part of her that couldn’t help but be afraid. Frigga and Sigyn had said they’d removed the commands, but they’d also said they’d left him the memories. What if he woke more Soldier than person? Would he come after them? Try to hurt them?

Toni took to wearing her bracelets even to bed. Though she knew Loki noticed, he said nothing, though he held her a little tighter at night.

When JARVIS finally alerted her that Bucky was waking up, it took everything Toni had not to bring her suit to life and wrap it around herself in a protection that, hopefully, even his fancy mechanical arm wouldn’t be able to get through.

She was in her workshop tinkering with her designs for a new bot for her lab. Being without Dum-E and U was hard, but so far she’d resisted replacing them because how do you replace beings who were like your children in some ways? But she’d finally started to give in to the fact that there was no way she was ever going to have her bots back – she wouldn’t take them away from Tony, and he wouldn’t give them up – and she definitely needed help in here. There were a lot of things that Dum-E and U and Butterfingers had done for her even if no one else had realized it.

The blueprints she’d been working on were forgotten, however, at JARVIS’s announcement. Toni froze with the hologram just inches away from her fingers. It took a minute for Toni to push past her shock, and that stupid blast of fear she wasn’t quite able to squash, before she could find her voice. “Where are Eir and Loki?”

“Sparring down by the water, Ma’am,” JARVIS answered promptly. “Would you like me to notify them?”

Toni shook her head almost instantly. “No. Let’s not bombard the guy, J. Just, um…” Pausing, she wiped a hand over her mouth, trying to think about what might be best here. What would she want if she were in his shoes? “I don’t wanna scare him. He’s probably freaked out waking up in some strange house. If he remembers what happened, he’s probably expecting to be in that cabin or to see Frigga or Sigyn. I don’t think throwing me or anyone else in there is going to help.”

“Would you like me to speak with him?”

The offer surprised Toni a little. She almost dismissed it, thinking that a disembodied voice might not be the best way to help the guy, only to hesitate. If he was going to be here at all, he was going to have to get used to JARVIS, and that might actually be easier than facing a stranger. Especially if he wasn’t feeling all that calm. It wasn’t like he could hurt JARVIS if he tried anything. Toni tapped her fingers against the top of the counter and let the idea run through her mind. “That might actually work. I mean, if he’s anything like Cap was, the idea of a voice in the ceiling speaking to him is gonna freak him out. But I’m guessing he’s a little more technologically savvy. He hasn’t been asleep for the past seventy years. Why don’t you give it a try, kiddo? Walk him through where he is, the basics of what’s going on, maybe answer whatever questions he’s got.”

“Of course, Ma’am.”

She didn’t worry about warning JARVIS to be safe with what he told Bucky. There was no need. JARVIS always kept Toni safe above anything else. He wouldn’t give away something he wasn’t supposed to.

Still, sitting there waiting to find out how it was going wasn’t exactly easy. Toni wanted to pull up the camera for Bucky’s room and watch what was happening. The only thing that stayed her hand was the fact that she wasn’t going to violate his privacy. Not after everything he’d been through already.

There was no way Toni was going to be able to just sit here and wait. Ten minutes in and she was too fidgety to even work on anything. Her focus was shot.

“I’m gonna go upstairs and get some more coffee,” she announced abruptly. Maybe it’d help calm her nerves. At the very least, it’d give her something to do. “Lock everything up down here, J, and save the changes I’ve made. Then let our resident super-soldier know I’ll be down in the kitchen if he wants to talk to me.”

“What should I tell him of who you are?”

Toni paused halfway across the workshop. She only let herself hesitate for a second. “Tell him who I really am. The guy’s had enough secrets in his life.”

“Are you sure that’s wise, Ma’am?” JARVIS asked hesitantly. “What if he chooses to leave?”

She knew what JARVIS was suggesting without him having to say it. _What if Bucky decided to go back to Cap?_ All it would take was one conversation and Steve could know all about Toni’s presence in this world. That was something that Toni had desperately avoided so far. Telling Bucky the truth of who she was would be putting her secret at risk. Still… “It’s a risk we gotta take, J. As much as I like to hope I’ve been able to stay under the radar, I learned a long time ago to never underestimate the things that SHIELD can find out. And if they know, you can bet HYDRA knows, which means that Bucky could already know. There’s no way he’s gonna trust us if we start things off by lying to him.”

“As you wish.”

It wasn’t exactly what she wished. But it was the only logical route to take. Toni desperately hoped that SHIELD didn’t know about her. But, she’d underestimated them in the past. That wasn’t a mistake she was going to make again. They always seemed to know way more than was good for them. If they knew, there was a good chance that HYDRA would know too, even with Tony helping to clear HYDRA out of SHIELD. Plus, Tony knew the truth, and Laura knew now, too, and if Bucky went back there and found out later about who she was, that she’d lied to him from the get-go, he might begin to wonder if she’d lied about anything else, and that just spelled disaster.

All the logic in the world didn’t stop Toni from stressing over it, though.

She got through making a pot of coffee and even drinking all of her first cup, moving on to mix together her second, before JARVIS spoke to her again. “Sergeant Barnes is on his way to speak with you, Ma’am.”

 _Oh, God._ Okay, okay, she could do this. Toni pressed her palms against the counter for a moment and took a few deep breaths. She could _do this_. It was just a conversation. Loki and Eir weren’t that far away. All it would take was one call from JARVIS, and Loki would be here in an instant. He’d teleport himself right to her. Plus, she had her bracelets on, and the suit could be called up easily enough. She’d increased the speed of the nanotech by 3.2 seconds, so it’d be up faster than ever. Toni was stronger this time. She wasn’t alone. This wasn’t going to be anything like Siberia. _It wasn’t._

Toni got herself under control just in time to hear the soft sound of someone clearing their throat not too far away.

Only sheer force of will kept her from leaping up into the air or calling up her suit right then and there.

Turning, Toni tried to act casual, tried not to let her terror show as she faced one of the men who had haunted her nightmares in quite a few ways. Her press mask slipped easily into place. Arianna Strange vanished underneath the person of _Tony Stark_ that had been built a long, long time ago.

The guy she found herself looking at was nothing like what she’d expected to see. Bucky stood near the far edge of the kitchen with his hands stuffed down into his pockets and his body a tense line. He was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt that Toni hadn’t even realized were down there. Loki’s doing, most likely. She made a mental note to thank him later.

Bucky looked like a cross between a wolf and a puppy in a way that was a bit disturbing. There was no doubt in Toni’s mind that he was a complete threat. Without her suit it was likely he could kill her with just a few moves. Hell, there was probably a part of him that had already figured out the best way to do it. But at the same time he also kind of reminded her of a puppy that someone had kicked and who was bracing himself for the next kick they were sure was coming.

Something about it softened Toni a bit. It made it easier for her to keep smiling at him. “Sergeant Barnes. Glad to see you up and about! Care for a cup of coffee?”

That clearly hadn’t been what he’d expected to hear. Bucky’s eyebrows went up a little, then drew back down over slightly narrowed eyes, the only outward sign of his surprise or his suspicion. Those eyes… they were cold and guarded, yet there was a definite life to them. One that Toni didn’t remember seeing the last time around. The Bucky she remembered from Siberia had been broken, terrified, and still more Soldier than Bucky. His eyes had been kind of like ice. This version of him still had that quality, only it was like the ice was starting to thaw, showing the man underneath.

He didn’t say anything, just nodded at her, but that was fine. Poor guy probably had a lot to process.

The act of preparing them both a cup of coffee gave Toni something to do with her nervous energy. She grabbed a spare cup from the cupboard and then filled both mugs. “I don’t know how you take it, or if that’s something you even remember or know or whatever, so we’ll just start out with black and you can play around with cream and sugar if you want. Let’s go sit at the table, though. If Lo comes in and finds me drinking right next to the pot again, we’re gonna have to listen to his lecture on drinking coffee like savages instead of _civilized folk_. Like anyone ever mistakes me for _civilized_.”

Chatter and movement – those were Toni’s ways of dealing with her nerves. Bucky seemed unsure what to do with it, except follow along when she gestured him out towards the dining room. He looked a little stunned, which, fair enough, most people did when Toni really got going.      At least he came out to the dining room and actually sat down when she set his mug down and gestured for him to sit.

Toni took her own seat, a few chairs away from him. Hey – she was being nice, not stupid, all right?

She didn’t bother doctoring up her own coffee. At the moment black was just going to have to do. Bracing her elbows on the table, Toni cradled her mug between her hands and lifted it up for a drink. She saw Bucky’s eyes dart down to it, and then, to her surprise, she saw his lips twitch a little. That tiny hint of a smile made Toni grin. “You like?” She deliberately moved her hands to make sure he was able to see all of the mug. It said _Smol, Sassy, and Sick of Your Shit_. It also happened to be practically the size of a soup bowl. “My pseudo-brother got this for me. He likes to pretend he’s pretty fancy with that title of his, but really he’s a giant dork. He sends me mugs like this every time he comes across them.”

She gestured towards his mug, which had Bucky bending his head enough to take a look. His was decorated with bright red and gold flowers – half the reason that Strange got it, probably – and it had a cheerful looking gold script that read _Fresh out of fucks_.

This time Bucky’s smile was a bit more noticeable. It only lasted for a second, but it had been there, and that was what counted.

Toni gave him a minute to get settled in. She wanted to give him the opportunity to speak up first. Only, it didn’t look like he was going to. He just sat there with his spine ramrod straight, his eyes partially hidden by shaggy hair he hadn’t bothered pulling back, and the air just grew more and more awkward with each passing second.

Eventually, she couldn’t take it. “So, did JARVIS explain everything to you?” That was a simple place to start, right?

It got her a nod. No words, but a nod. Which was better than nothing.

“Good,” she said, taking a quick sip from her mug. She tried not to tap her fingers against it. “I imagine it’s a lot to take in. You don’t have to feel pressured into doing anything just yet. You’re more than welcome to stay here with us until you feel a little more settled. Then, if you wanna go anywhere, we’ll help you get there. I don’t want you thinking you owe us anything for this…”

Her rambling was cut off by a soft-spoken “Why?” from Bucky.

The question surprised her. Not just the question, but the fact that he’d spoken at all. He’d been so quiet she found herself startled by the sound of his voice. Toni blinked at him a few times and tried to backtrack and figure out what on earth he meant. “Why what?” she finally asked.

He cleared his throat before he answered her, yet his voice was still low and a bit rough, like he wasn’t quite used to speaking. It made her wince to realize that he probably wasn’t. “Why’re you helpin’ me?” Bucky asked. There was a strange mashup of accents on his words. A colder, sharper edge that hinted at Russia, and yet ‘helpin’ came out with just enough of a twist at the end to definitely leave off the ‘g’ sound – something she imagined was the Brooklyn in him. “Your… JARVIS told me what happened. He told me who you are. Why would you wanna help me?”

Well then. Apparently they weren’t going to be able to skirt around this the way that Toni had hoped for. She tightened her grip on her mug and made herself look up. Made herself meet his eyes. If he was going to be blunt then so was she. “I know you killed my parents,” she said in a voice gone flat. She tried not to let herself waver at the flinch he gave. “I also know that it wasn’t you. Not in the way that matters. You were just their weapon. They’re the ones that pulled the trigger.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.” Bucky’s voice went a bit softer. He was the one to break eye contact. At that moment, the wolf she’d seen before was gone, and she saw a glimpse of the broken pieces underneath. “I remember what I did. To them, to all those people.”

“Good.” Her words had Bucky’s head snapping up in shock. Toni didn’t flinch. “Those people deserve to be remembered. Remembering them is how we push ourselves to do better. To _be_ better. You’re your own person now, Bucky. The command words aren’t in your head anymore. No one else controls you. Whatever you do with your life, it’s your choice now. Use those memories to help you make that life a good one. A _better_ one.”

She saw as her words seemed to strike home with him. His expression shuttered, and his eyes dropped back down to his mug. Or, more accurately, down to the metal hand that was gripping at the mug. She watched him flex the fingers a few times. Whatever he was thinking, he didn’t share.

Toni left him to his silence. She drank her coffee and watched him discreetly through her lashes.

It took until her mug was almost empty before he spoke again. When he did, it wasn’t what she expected. “James.”

Toni blinked a few times at the randomness of the word. When she realized what he meant, the only thing that made any sense, her eyes went wide for one second. Then she brushed away her shock. Was it any surprise that the guy wanted to go by his actual name? “You got it.”

He looked hesitant for just a moment like he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to speak or even what he wanted to say. Toni waited more patiently to give him time to put his thoughts together. Now that they were through some of the harder parts, it was easier for her not to be anxious. To keep herself under control. And despite what people thought, she could be infinitely patient when the situation called for it. Considering this guy’s brain had been scrambled worse than yesterday’s egg breakfast, it was no wonder it took him a while to find the words he wanted. Not to mention that Toni doubted HYDRA had really cared all that much about letting the poor guy speak.

“I got my memories in here,” James said eventually. His words were slow; chosen with care. “All of ‘em. But I was the Soldier longer than I was ever Bucky. Those are the ones that feel… real. I remember being Bucky like… like bein’ a kid.”

The words made a startling amount of sense. Toni couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of that already. “I can see that. You’ve lived a whole life since then. It’d make sense that your earlier memories would be, for you, like regular childhood memories would be for me. It doesn’t make them any less yours, or any less a part of you, but you’ve grown since then. Changed.”

James looked so relieved. Not in his body, which still seemed more comfortable with the ice façade of the Soldier, but in his eyes. There was a look of relief and gratitude in there for those who knew how to look. To Toni, it was a lot like reading the emotions on Loki when he pulled up his best ice mask. “What I do remember aint all that great,” he finally said, just a bit steadier. His gaze was as well when he leveled it at her. “I’d like to try and make up for that. To… to do better.”

An easy smile curved Toni’s lips. “I’m sure you will. And we’ll help you, too. Whatever you need. We’ve got a doctor I trust who’s willing to speak with you and help you work through what you do remember, and, well… you’ve got a room here if you want it, for as long as you need. Or you can go to the tower and… and I’m sure JARVIS told you that Steve’s there. That he’s alive. I know he’d be more than willing to help you find yourself.”

However, James was already shaking her head even before she finished making that offer. “Not… not yet. I have some memories of Stevie in here. I know he was… we were friends. Good friends. But, he knew the kid I was back then, right?”

Toni nodded, her expression softening again. “Yeah. But that doesn’t mean he won’t care about the guy you are now. I doubt there’s anything you could do that would make him not love you, James.”

Still, she wasn’t surprised when James shook his head again. In his shoes, would she feel any different? Would she want to see Rhodey or Pepper or anyone else if she had turned into a monster for a lifetime? She could barely stand the idea of seeing them _now_.

“You’re more than welcome to stay here,” Toni said, choosing not to comment on the words that had been left unsaid at the end there. “It’s just me, Loki, and Eir, and I know they won’t mind having you here. Eir might be a little standoffish, but she’s both friend and bodyguard, so that’s just kind of her default? Don’t let it put you off. You can stay with us for as long as you need.”

“Thank you.”

The words were soft, yet they were filled with emotion, and Toni found herself smiling at him reassuringly.

Things weren’t perfect. One heartfelt conversation over coffee wasn’t going to make things all right for either of them. But it was a start. A _fresh_ start. One that they both deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set a little ways after the first one, and a few months before the sequel. I hope you like it, and I promise, I'm still working on that sequel! But I would've been stuck forever on this if it weren't for one of my amazing friends who helped me get this done. She knows who she is :D


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